New Report Confirms You Are Most Interesting, Most Important Individual On Earth

reprinted from theonion.com

CHAPEL HILL, NC—A comprehensive report released this week by researchers at the University of North Carolina confirmed widely held assumptions that you are the most significant and interesting person currently inhabiting the earth.

Drawing from the results of a six-year study that carefully analyzed thousands of hours of your actions and conversations, the 220-page report concluded that your ideas and opinions far surpass those of the other 7.1 billion people on the planet in terms of substance, depth, and general importance to the world.

“Throughout our study, we found clear and overwhelming evidence that you are not only the most compelling member of the human race, but also the most important, and by a wide margin,” said the study’s lead author Samuel Lerman, who noted that you are also far more noteworthy than all individuals who have ever previously existed in human history. “There is a statistically significant gap between what you and the rest of humanity have to offer in terms of wit, charm, intelligence, creativity, and observational ability. Indeed, we found that the dynamic nature of your personality is of immeasurable value to society.”

“Our findings also confirm that your insights on everything from politics to entertainment to social issues to religion are the most notable and well-thought-out,” continued Lerman, adding that your viewpoints roundly trump the countless competing beliefs offered by the rest of the world’s population. “You are, in short, the only person who matters. The rest of us do not matter.”

The report stated that people crave to hear from you at all times, asserting that your thoughts are the most profound, your stories the most gripping, and your approval the most desired. The study also demonstrated that no one else alive today has anything as perceptive and as consequential to say as you do, with researchers noting that when you choose to speak you are exceedingly captivating and enjoyable to listen to in a way that no other human being could ever approach.

Furthermore, clinical observations showed that when you are not around, conversations among others invariably revert to speculation about what you are currently doing and what you would say about the discussion at hand. The report also confirmed that your words serve as a highly desired and desperately needed reprieve from the monotony and meaninglessness of what everyone else has to say.

You are the center of everything, the report added.

“We found that what other people think or experience is completely irrelevant when compared to even the most minor thoughts and experiences in your everyday life,” said Lerman, noting that only the things you see, do, say, and learn have any significance at all. “The data clearly show that your feelings are the most authentic, your experiences are the richest, and your perspectives are the most unique. Frankly, the world only wants to hear about you and your life and nothing else. Indeed, that’s what we all long for at every moment.”

The sociologist affirmed that all other humans on earth define their lives largely in relation to you and your existence, and reiterated the report’s recommendation that you continue to make your views and ideas known as loudly and frequently as possible to eliminate any lingering doubts among the global populace regarding your supreme importance.

“The evidence conclusively shows that you, and you alone, provide meaning to everyone else in your workplace, your social network, and your family, as well as to all the strangers that you interact with only momentarily each day,” said Lerman, who highlighted data indicating that others’ sense of fulfillment is derived solely from the opportunity to work, live, and exist alongside you. “Without you, these groups and individuals—as well as society in general—would just drift aimlessly, feeling empty and incomplete.”

Lerman went on to state that you were and have always been the primary figure on the planet, noting that the worth and merit of every person, institution, and cultural phenomenon on earth hinged wholly on your personal perceptions and judgments about them.

“Our research definitively proves that when you go to sleep each night, the world’s entire narrative stops, and that it then restarts again as soon as you wake up,” Lerman said. “And according to our findings, when you die, all of this—the whole universe and everything in it—will end.”

“It is scientifically indisputable that you are the single most important and fundamental being in existence,” Lerman added. “You are commensurate with the sun, the moon, the stars. In fact, you are the sum of all of these and more.”

The report summarized its results by concluding, “You, you, you, you.”

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-report-confirms-you-are-most-interesting-most,34857/

Resistance vs Inspired Inaction

Steven Pressfield, the author of The War of Art says “Resistance is the only thing getting in the way of achieving your greatest successes.” However there is a resistance everyone uses every day that is one of our greatest successes. We learned that resistance as a young child so we no longer wear diapers.

Granted there is resistance that does get in the way of achieving great success. That resistance shows up in the form of procrastination, lack of motivation, insecurities, self doubt, fear.

However I think there is something else that we might think is resistance but it’s not. It’s what I call “Inspired Inaction.” Inspired inaction is when we are being guided to wait. You know, like waiting for a bus is not resistance to riding the bus. We have to wait for the bus to arrive or we’ll miss it.

My question is “How do you tell the difference between resistance and inspired inaction especially if the inspired inaction is misinterpreted as lack of motivation?

What are your thoughts on this?
Please comment below. Thanks!

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time there was a lovely girl who loved to write. She wrote on napkins. She wrote on the back of envelopes. She wrote in journals. She wrote stories that made her happy and brought smiles to the faces of those who read her stories. Writing brought her such joy that she lived happily ever after. And so it is!

I don’t know about you but when I hear the words “Once upon a time…” my stress goes away and I instantly go to that delightful place of childhood memories where magical stories come to life.

Because everything is vibration and that vibration of “anything is possible” is what I feel when hearing “Once upon a time….” I decided to keep a Once Upon a Time journal to reinforce that those things I envisioned for my life could really come true.

Every day when I woke up I wrote in the journal a story of what I expected for my day. And in the middle of the day if something ticked me off I immediately created a Once Upon a Time story of how I wished the situation would be.

For example, if it was a day that I had to take my mother to the doctor, instead of dreading it because she’s always so negative and rebellious I would write something like this:

Once upon a time there was a lovely girl named Barbara. She had a very loving mother who smiled all the time. Barbara loved to spend time with her mom and was so happy she could help take care of her mom. Every time Barbara and her mom got together their hearts opened. They spread joy to those around them. These times were so wonderful that Barbara lived happily ever after. And so it is!!!

I would love to write you a little Once Upon a Time story. If you’d like that send me an email stating ONE thing that’s bugging you and I will write you a Once Upon a Time story.

OR, write your own story and post it as a comment below. 🙂

Can a Meltdown Be A Good Thing?

It seems that when I’m going through alot of personal processing I become like a caterpillar in a cocoon, preparing to transform. Why would this be of any interest to you? Well, would you like me to pass on to you the insights and knowledge I gained that will help you with your own transformation?

For example, at one point, some moths ago I exclaimed “I’m having a meltdown!” And then instantly I thought of the caterpillar. Did you know that when a caterpillar goes into it’s cocoon, it totally melts down into a liquid goo before it becomes the butterfly? So now, when I think of having a meltdown I get excited. That meltdown say “you’re transforming into something better!” Isn’t that a great realization? So the next time you’re having a crisis/meltdown you can get excited too, knowing that you’re becoming more amazing!

If I can do it you can do it!

It’s not January 1st but it is New Beginning time for me. I’m in a new phase with a deeper and clearer connection to my life’s purpose. On some level I’ve been doing it but it was only recently that I found accurate words to describe it. “I do high performance transformational training.” Looking for those words was like looking for a dress for a certain occasion, not knowing what I was looking for but knowing it was exactly what I was looking for when I found it.

You know how you feel on a bad hair day or when you’re wearing something that just doesn’t feel right or you’re driving a car that doesn’t reflect how incredible you are? It can throw you off balance or make you feel less confident. But when your hair is great and you’re wearing that outfit that makes you feel like a million dollars and you’re driving a smokin’ hot car you feel like there is nothing that can shake you.

When you are not clear on the specifics of your life’s purpose the same thing can happen. I thought I was clear after attending a Life Directions workshop a few years ago and got that my life’s mission is to brighten and amplify people’s self delight so they can rock their life. That still holds true but it doesn’t say how I’ll be doing that. I thought the energy healing and training I was doing was the vehicle to serve that mission but a couple months ago several people told me I didn’t know how powerful I was. I said to them “yes I do!” And they said “nope, you don’t.”

I began a “find the connection to my power” project. I worked on myself and with my friends who are healers and life coaches. I felt like I was digging a tunnel and there was no end in sight. I even resigned myself to the notion that digging that tunnel in the dark was how I was going to spend the rest of my life. The light at the end would only be that light at death, the one people having near death experiences talk about… there is still a little drama in me, eh?

Then one day, after doing some energy optimizations on myself I became aware and very excited that I could see some light at the end of my tunnel. Within a few days I was on a group call where the facilitator spontaneously introduced me to the group saying I do high performance transformation work. I about fell off my chair when I heard those words. It was the “dress” I had been looking for.

Since then other things have fallen into place and I even got to encourage someone who had been very discouraged in his own multi year tunnel. So, let me say to you – if I can do it you can do it! Hang on to your dream and keep taking inspired action to get there.

I’m a Chick that Wants Out!

Unexpected Events

Have you ever looked forward to a day and it finally arrives only to turn out very different than you expected?

You’re thinking about a day that sucked aren’t you? To be honest with you that’s what I thought was going to happen to me the other day. But not getting what I expected lead to something even better happening. Would you like to hear what happened?…

Great! Here’s my story…

For the past 8 months I’ve been letting my hair grow after receiving such a bad haircut I seriously thought about shaving my head.

Bad Haircut ---------- Good Haircut

I had been looking for a new stylist here in my hometown. Continuing to take a 4 hour plane ride to get my hair cut in California was not my first choice. I had been going to an out of state stylist because it takes someone very special to cut curly hair so it naturally looks and behaves amazingly.

So, one of my haircut conditions is that it gets cut dry. I found a salon and a stylist who I thought would do an excellent job. Today was my appointment with him. I drove an hour to get to the salon to meet him. He was wonderful. He totally understood what I was looking for so I was really looking forward to this haircut. Then he dropped the bombshell. The receptionist had given me incorrect information. He doesn’t cut hair dry. We both had to agree he was not the right person for me.

I left the salon despondent. The mucked up scrambled thought processes I had been feeling in my brain because of the bad haircut was still there. So on my drive home I decided that since getting to have pretty hair was no longer on today’s agenda I would go to an upscale shopping mall and look at pretty things there.

While walking around I passed a jewelry store with a large window poster for some lovely crystal rings or bracelets.. I couldn’t tell which.. and decided to go into the store to check them out.

Cutting to the chase, when I put the ring on my finger I felt so amazingly good inside I literally began to cry. All the mucked up feeling in my brain from the bad haircut completely disappeared. I had my superpowers back!

The very thing I wanted to accomplish by getting my haircut I got by wearing this ring. I looked at the price tag of the ring. It was about the same amount that my haircut and tip would have cost. So I bought the ring and I’m calling it “My New Haircut.”

Yes I’m still looking for a local stylist who is perfect for me but until then I’ve got my superpower ring to carry me through and remind me that sometimes the solution I’m looking for will come in an unexpected way.

2012 Road Trip Checkup – Again

 Have you been getting tired more easily? Do you feel like you have two speeds – 180 mph and Zero mph? That’s how I’ve been feeling. Then it came to my mind to run the replay of the 2012 Roadtrip Checkup. That was a moving and powerful hour long group session we held last year.  Immediately after running the session replay I felt calmer and all the gunk cleaned out so I’m working half as hard and accomplishing twice as much.

Read the original post about the 2012 Road Trip Checkup

Enjoy the trip for the first time or as a review now through July 17, 2012. ($20)

After experiencing the Road Trip my friend Andrew reported “It feels like an energy waterfall flushing out fear, apprehension. I feel it fine tuning my chakras to accept new energy. A blue shield around my aura shields out negativity.”

When to Leave a Rolex at Home

This article is about when to leave a Rolex at home but first, let me set the context.

A few months ago my friend Libbe HaLevy, the host and producer of Nuclear Hotseat, wrote a thought  provoking article entitled “The Last Jew Out of Germany…? A Nuclear Dilemma.” She compared the sometimes loud hints given the Jews of Germany to get out before the Nazi’s took over to the hints of radiation from Fukushima hitting the California coast, where she lives. What to do – move or stay?

Besides giving me a deeper understanding of the dilemma the Jews of Germany faced it reminded me of my brother’s experience keeping his Rolex watch safe.

Winning the very expensive watch in a prestegous sales contest, gave my brother an ongoing reminder of recognition for a job well done. One evening, after work, he was going to take the subway from his suburban home to an event downtown. He first dropped off the Rolex at home so it would be safe, as returning home late at night on the subway, wearing a Rolex, did not seem to be wise.

After the event on his late night walk home from the subway he noticed his street was blocked off, flooded with water. He assumed a water main had broken. However, as he approached his 4 story 21 unit building his eyes deceived him when it appeared the building had disappeared. In the first stage of shock he walked closer and closer but his vision stayed the same. The building had burned down while he was out for the evening.

The fire had been so devastating that there was nothing left – no refrigerators, no furniture, no Rolex watch – everything had melted and burned in the fire.

Libbe visited me last month in Chicago as part of her consideration to move from California back to her midwest family roots. I told her my brother’s Rolex story in hopes it would ease any pressure she might be feeling to “get out of Dodge” fast. Like me, you’ve probably heard stories of people who move from a high crime area to a secure town so the children would be safe. And then, in unfortunate circumstances in this supposed haven of security, one of the children dies in an accident.

What I suggested to Libbe is to follow her heart, not her head. Wherever that leads her will be the right place for her to be. That way, whatever happens, seemingly good or seemingly bad, she won’t look back wondering if she made the right decision.

While you might not have a Rolex watch, which is considered “timeless luxury.” I see you as a living Rolex. You are precious. Perhaps the next time you are deciding where to put yourself weigh in on both your heart and your head, with no agenda, and see which way each is directing you. If you are getting two different answers revisit your thought another day. The time inbetween will allow you to find clarity.

Life Unstuck

I recently had an inspiring conversation with my dear friend Libbe HaLevy about feeling stuck and how a Dr Seuss story is a profound metaphor that we are always growing–even when it seems like we’re not! Luckily we taped our conversation. Here’s the audio so you can listen in.